Review: King Kong

Feb 10 2006

“That track could only be from the abominable snowman”

Says that three times fast, in the middle of an equatorial jungle. Yet another, big budget film with gigantic plot holes. The major movie producers must think the general population has about the same I.Q. as King Kong, they just keep pumping out the crap; and we keep eating it up.

I’m going to save the synopsis of the movie and just go into what bothered me about it. So here we go.

Why have so much background on the woman and the producer if they barely have any dialogue in the movie? Certainly, if they would have tried to explain where the producer got the idea to film on some secluded island (aptly named “Skull Island”, oh the irony) there might have been a purpose for the first hour of the movie.

This film displayed something to me about violence in movies that truly irks me. In a movie, someone is shot twice and they still somehow manage to be the hero. In real life, if you get shot, you will most likely die, if not immediately, then at least shortly thereafter. In a movie, you can be punched, kicked, beaten, and spit on and you still get up and kick the other guy or girl’s ass. In real life, if you get punched in the face, once, you will most likely be on the floor trying to hold your face intact if you’re still conscious.

In this movie, King Kong, is shot at least one-thousand times before the second hour is complete. Let’s talk realism here. A bullet can go through someone. In one side, out the other and still leave a nasty mark or hole in the wall. I’m 6’ tall; my skin is maximum 1/4” thick. Let’s use that as a ratio. 72” high: 0.25” thick. From the movie’s claims, King Kong is about 25ft tall. After some basic math we come up with 300” high: 1” thick. So, a bullet has to go through 1” of skin to harm our big buddy. Not exactly a feat if you consider the power in a gun. Which, if your only experience was the movies, you’d never know. After 1k, direct hits before the 2.5 hour marker, it’s a wonder he didn’t die from loss of blood.

Let’s add in some of the island realism. Mr. Kong doesn’t fight off one Tyrannosaurus Rex, but three! Wow, three gigantic meat eating predators all in a matter of yards from each other they must get hungry from eating each other’s food supply all the time. You know, an island that size can really support all that. Get this; they would rather eat the girl than chomp on yummy and potentially much more nourishing Mr. Kong.

I’m not going to talk about what some might call a dialogue between the girl and Mr. Kong or how many times the planes circled before his hairy ass fell off the building. I liked the movie for the special effects, but I was disappointed by the realism in the storyline.

7 responses so far

  1. Karl the Brain
    on 10 Mar 2006 at 13:34

    The fact that Kong is nearly 25’ tall, and an Ape. he just might actually have skin that is thicker than 1”. Also Kong is out in the wild always getting in fights with the T-Rexs as seen by all the scars on his body even before he starts getting shot. That’s why the T-Rexs are after the girl instead of Kong because Kong has fought them off before he know’s what he’s doing.

    Also, through all the fights with the t-rexs you’d think that Kong’s skin would have gotten at least a little more thick and stronger and more resilient to blows and cuts. He’s a walking suit of armor. Unless you hit a suit of armor at a weak spot it’s not going to do anything.

    The fact that you’ve tried to use just plain math instead of also involving the outer experiences to judge how Kong could have been able to grow resilient to the bullets is rediculous.

    Take for example, walking over hot coals with out shoes on. At first you will get burned but after training and more walking over the hot coals your feet will grow stronger and the skin will get more thick in order to protect you.

    SAME CONCEPT.

  2. Brandon Erik Bertelsen
    on 10 Mar 2006 at 17:48

    That’s why the T-Rexs are after the girl instead of Kong because Kong has fought them off before he know’s what he’s doing.

    Care to clarify how that effects the Tyrannosaurus Rex’s behaviour?

    Next question. Care to create a supposition as to why and how 3 Tyrannosaurus Rexs can be in the same place at once and survive on the same food source? How prevalent is it for gigantic meat eaters to travel in packs?

    If by the quoted statement you meant that the T-Rex’s knew that Kong would win in a battle with them, wouldn’t it be counter-intuitive to your logic that the T-Rex’s would attack something protected by him in the first place?

    With respect to the bullet wounds, I agree it’s not just simple math that goes into that equation, but even an elephant can be subdued in one shot with a long rifle. If you can’t take it from me, take it from Orwell.

    When I pulled the trigger I did not hear the bang or feel the kick – one never does when a shot goes home – but I heard the devilish roar of glee that went up from the crowd. In that instant, in too short a time, one would have thought, even for the bullet to get there, a mysterious, terrible change had come over the elephant. He neither stirred nor fell, but every line of his body had altered. He looked suddenly stricken, shrunken, immensely old, as though the frightful impact of the bullet had paralysed him without knocking him down. At last, after what seemed a long time – it might have been five seconds, I dare say – he sagged flabbily to his knees. His mouth slobbered. An enormous senility seemed to have settled upon him. One could have imagined him thousands of years old. I fired again into the same spot. At the second shot he did not collapse but climbed with desperate slowness to his feet and stood weakly upright, with legs sagging and head drooping. I fired a third time. That was the shot that did for him. You could see the agony of it jolt his whole body and knock the last remnant of strength from his legs. But in falling he seemed for a moment to rise, for as his hind legs collapsed beneath him he seemed to tower upward like a huge rock toppling, his trunk reaching skyward like a tree. He trumpeted, for the first and only time. And then down he came, his belly towards me, with a crash that seemed to shake the ground even where I lay.

    I got up. The Burmans were already racing past me across the mud. It was obvious that the elephant would never rise again, but he was not dead. He was breathing very rhythmically with long rattling gasps, his great mound of a side painfully rising and falling. His mouth was wide open – I could see far down into caverns of pale pink throat. I waited a long time for him to die, but his breathing did not weaken. Finally I fired my two remaining shots into the spot where I thought his heart must be. The thick blood welled out of him like red velvet, but still he did not die. His body did not even jerk when the shots hit him, the tortured breathing continued without a pause. He was dying, very slowly and in great agony, but in some world remote from me where not even a bullet could damage him further. I felt that I had got to put an end to that dreadful noise. It seemed dreadful to see the great beast Lying there, powerless to move and yet powerless to die, and not even to be able to finish him. I sent back for my small rifle and poured shot after shot into his heart and down his throat. They seemed to make no impression. The tortured gasps continued as steadily as the ticking of a clock.

    In the end I could not stand it any longer and went away. I heard later that it took him half an hour to die. Burmans were bringing dash and baskets even before I left, and I was told they had stripped his body almost to the bones by the afternoon.

    Excerpt from “Shooting an Elephant” by George Orwell in the Autumn of 1936

    BUT THE ELEPHANT STILL DIED

  3. Karl the Brain
    on 10 Mar 2006 at 23:58

    Care to create a supposition as to why and how 3 Tyrannosaurus Rexs can be in the same place at once and survive on the same food source? How prevalent is it for gigantic meat eaters to travel in packs?

    I agree that it would be very counter productive for gigantic meat eaters to travel in packs. In fact it would be very very retarded. One idea about how three t-rexs can be in the same place is. . . We never saw a fly over shot of Skull Island. There is no saying just how large the island is. It could be the size of Australia for all we know. This is how three t-rexs could live on this island at the same time. (Also there were many Kongs as we could see by all the skeletons left behind, so how were all the Kongs and the T-Rexs living in the same place?)

    All in all, I again must say that The T-Rexs knew that Kong would beat them but the probability that all three had fought Kong at the same time in the past is very very unlikely. Therefor in my mind I see the T-Rexs as finally going after Kong together for the first time because Kong has such a fancy for his little doll that he has with him. That is why I believe all the T-Rexs want the girl so badly.

    As for your elephant comments, I do believe that there is still at least a twelve or thirteen foot difference between an elephant and Kong. Also, I don’t see a lot of elephants getting into huge battles and ending up with the tons of scars that Kong has. They don’t have a battle thickened skin but Kong has been the survivor of many many battles including one against Godzilla. In a hand to hand fight between Kong and three giant lizards with broomstick arms it’s no guess who’s gonna kick ass! KONG BABY!!

    The t-rex is known to have had a brain the size of a human fist at the extreme. The fact that they thought they could take Kong on one on one is rediculus and the fact that they could get all three of themselves to work together for one common goal is pretty darn exceptional. They still had no chance though because all a T-Rex has going for it is it’s running away speed.

  4. Brandon Erik Bertelsen
    on 11 Mar 2006 at 00:08

    Haha, this is fun. It’s like the “my dad is better than your dad” arguements; except, we’re talking about King Kong.

  5. Karl the Brain
    on 30 Mar 2006 at 09:53

    Does that mean that I won this little discussion since you haven’t written anything back concerning what I last posted?

    OH YES! One to Nothin!

  6. Brandon Erik Bertelsen
    on 30 Mar 2006 at 15:20

    Yes, you must have won. Responding now would only be an excercise in fultility.

    Besides, we all know Godzilla would kick King Kong’s ass. It must have been the lightning bolts, explain that one Brain.

  7. PoopaScoopa
    on 31 Aug 2006 at 08:55

    It doesn’t take a smart man to point at a fantasy film and say, that’s not possibly. >.<

    I agree a film has got to be believable. In King Kong, It would have been simply counter-productive, to the story, to explain how all events could occur.

Leave a Reply

  • About

    • Brandon Erik Bertelsen is a market research professional residing in Toronto, Canada. The views expressed on this website are his personal opinions and do not reflect the views of any organization that he has, or is working for.

  • Tags