So many sirens ce soir? What's going on in Toronto tonight? A Homeless Man…
Standing outside of Ryerson, smoking a cigarette and drinking a $5.08 starbucks coffee I see a man approach two young women and ask them for change. They quite easily reject him. He walks along trying the next person who just happens to be me. Knowing what’s coming next I feel the obvious pang of discomfort.
There he is standing in front of me, disheveled, slightly balding, visibly shaking and asking me for some change to get something to eat – staring at me with deep brown eyes filled with desperation. What else could I do but offer him something to eat? I beleive strongly in not giving homeless people a transferable form of exchange be it bus tickets, or money. The same was true for this gentlemen. I asked him what he wanted to eat and he specified that he wanted a sub. So I offered to buy it for him.
As we walked he described his life situation and his next problem – finding a place to sleep. He specified that his step parents had kicked him out of the house, and he no longer had a fixed address which, therefore, renders him ineligible for welfare. He spoke to me about a few of the places that he’s tried to seek shelter: Seaton House, Covenant House, MacMillan House and the list goes on. Apparently, some of these places are free and some of them are not. I felt helpless, listening to this man without being able to make one good recommendation as to where he could go or what he could do. He explained to me that all of the places that were free are full and he had no money to go to where you pay for it.
After I finished paying for his meal he stood in front of me, looking into my soul with those deep brown eyes filled with despair and now appreciation, asking if I could give him money for his night at the shelter. I looked hard at him and the money in my hand as I considered the decision. Yes I had the money – but he stood there in front of me, still visibly shaking almost certainly from some form of drugs. So I told him, honestly, that he’s standing in front of me shaking and that I am not willing to give him money directly. He told me that it’s been a while since he’s had his “medicine” and that was the cause of his shaking. When he said the word “medicine” I automatically came to the conclusion that giving this man money would mean supporting whatever habit this man has. Another factor in my decision was that I offered to walk over and pay directly yet he declined, explaining that he didn’t want to take up too much of my time.
But I wonder if I passed judgement. Did I impose some predispositioned thought or stereotype of homeless people on this man or did I do the right thing by declining to support his proposed shelter for the evening?
I don’t know the answer, but the thought that I chose paternalism over altruism bothers me because the decision was made with potentially asymettric information.
Would you have given him the money?
Similarly, having been faced with the same situation, I have taken folks in to a restaurant for a meal or for coffee. I did not give money but there is a system provided for the issuing of vouchers which can be exchanged for meals, here in Edinburgh Scotland.
Many years ago two of my contemporaries at Art College were asked to wander the streets with the remit to interview people about their understanding of colour and what it meant to them. My two friends thought they would have a bit of ‘fun’ and approached an alchoholic in the Grassmarket, directly below the castle esplanade (where the tatoo is presented every year). He was dressed in black, matted beard and front, crumpled clothing and poorly shod. They asked him, “Sir,—- could you explain to us what colour means to you?”
The man straightened himself and replied,” If I am to explain what colour means to me I will have to use the analogy of music” He then went on to give a 30 minute lecture on the relationships between colour and music, dealing with harmony, the chromatic scale, mood and so much more.
My friends were humbled by the experience and I was reminded that I should not judge too readily when seeing someone in that sort of condition.
But___ you are right, feeding the ‘habit’ is not the answer, but it is hard to refuse.
Best wishes
Bill Robb
dude that's deep!! i dunno what i'd have done…
dude that's deep!! i dunno what i'd have done…
dude that's deep!! i dunno what i'd have done…
Indeed a deep one. I think I would have done as you had and respectfully said no. When lending a hand in similar scenarios, I tend to offer items such as food, bus tix while declining to give cash. When the individual refuses non-cash items I still politely decline giving cash. And I feel terrible for it. But it's not unreasonable to want assurances the recipient will spent cash on what they say they will – for most of us the dollar represents hard work and if we're to give it away it's normal to want to be sure that it goes toward something meaningful. In ur case it came down to trusting his word, which was a judgement call that you felt was right. In situations like this I think it's good to second guess yourself, to feel terrible, to feel for the man & how he got there. Part of me wishes more of us have moments with homeless individuals that we reflect on, question our assumptions, and wonder what more we can do to help.
Brandon,
Who would have known after all these years, my little brother would stumble onto my very passion without even knowing it. You should come down to the shelter sometime, spend some time… see the people everyone tries so hard not to see… It’s a life changing experience, and everyday offers its own rewards.
Love ya Little B!!
I would have given him the money – I almost always do. I can't sit comfortably in my car, in my comfortable life, and bring myself to say no to people that are clearly worse off than I am (so, I almost never give money to street kids with tattoos more expensive than mine).It doesn't matter to me what the money would be used for. If he uses it to obtain the more socially valid food and shelter, then great. If he uses it to buy drugs or alcohol or whatever else he uses as his form of escape, I'm fine with that, too. Obviously we'd all like to hope that everyone in his situation would do the best he could to improve his life, but not knowing what it's like to live like he does, I'd try not to pass judgement. I try to live life with hope. So I'd give him the money with the hope that it buys him shelter, but not judge his possible intention to buy some fleeting comfort where he thinks he needs it.
I would have given him the money – I almost always do. I can't sit comfortably in my car, in my comfortable life, and bring myself to say no to people that are clearly worse off than I am (so, I almost never give money to street kids with tattoos more expensive than mine).It doesn't matter to me what the money would be used for. If he uses it to obtain the more socially valid food and shelter, then great. If he uses it to buy drugs or alcohol or whatever else he uses as his form of escape, I'm fine with that, too. Obviously we'd all like to hope that everyone in his situation would do the best he could to improve his life, but not knowing what it's like to live like he does, I'd try not to pass judgement. I try to live life with hope. So I'd give him the money with the hope that it buys him shelter, but not judge his possible intention to buy some fleeting comfort where he thinks he needs it.
I would give cash, usually do, all that I have in my pocket. I try not to decide who is the ‘deserving’ poor and give freely to all. Sometimes I know the money will be used for a beer and if that is what the person wants, he gets to make his choices, few as they are.
HI all…
I’m an addictions counsleor and I work with homeless individuals. This is a real dilemma for all of us. Many homeless persons do have problems with drugs and alcohol. the problem is that when they are detoxing – especially from alcohol – they NEED – i mean physically need to maintain a certain level of alcohol in their systm or they go into delerium tremens – a lifethreatening side effect when detoxing from alcohol. Many of us are reluctant to give alcohol or money for alcohol to persons who we perceive may be alcoholic. If an alcoholic – a person whose body is chemically dependent on alcohol – doesn’t maintain a certain level (the quantity of which is determined on an individual basis) they can have a grand mal siezure. Unfortunately where I’m from, the detox facility doesn’t always accept persons in for treatment if they’ve been detoxed before. Alcohol detoxification requires medical monitoring and at a detox facilitly they will monitor the persons symptoms and provide them with an alternate medication to avoid DT’s (delerium tremens – a symptom of which is the grand mal siezures which cause brain damage). Once having been detoxed there are other problems to deal with though, the underlying problems of homelessness, need for a permanent address, clothing and bathing opportunities. It’s a complex problem. A good thing to do if you do encounter someone with this problem is to offer to help get them into a detox program. After that they’ll need actual treatment, becasue detox is only that and no treatment for underlying problems will be provided in detox.
for D. Pantlin – is your father Phil?